Example Dreamwork by Toko-pa

Janet's Dream:  Talking to Dad & Angels

I had a dream last night in which I'm riding in a bus. I look behind me and out the window and I see a gurney. There's a man laying (in a 'dead' position) on the gurney who looks somewhat like my father (couldn't be sure due to the angle). So I begin to gradually arch my neck for a better view, and ultimately end up standing up. And it is my father, which strikes me as not possible because he died many years ago, so I then realize I'm dreaming.

At that point, my father opens his eyes and looks at me. Then he sits up. The gurney is beside the bus. My father is trying to ask me something, but I can't hear because a very loud car is passing on the other side. So lean over and put the window up. Then I look back and my father is now in the bus in the seat behind me (I'm turned around talking to him).

He asks about my mother, and I explain what's been happening with her. I ask how he's doing. He says he's fine, in a very nonchalant way. I realize he's not and tell him he can't be 'fine', he's an alcoholic. At that, he gets angry. I can see his temper about to blow. He gets up and begins yelling something at me as he walks closer to me. I realize what's happening and that I don't have to listen to it anymore. So I immediately yell "NO!" I can feel everyone in the dream stop what they are doing and just look at me shocked, including my father. Then he's gone.

I'm still lucid and on the bus. Now the bus stops and the doors open. I ask to see my angel (I meant guardian angel, but simply said angel in the dream). I wait a moment, and then I close my eyes and say "pleeease".  Next someone is standing outside the bus doors and says in a matter of fact kind of way "your pregnant". I open my eyes and just look at him a moment.  And although I look at him, I don't remember what he looks like (I rarely do). I can very clearly sense his presence, but I'm not positive he was man. I'm also not positive that he was my guardian angel. I get the impression he is a guide of some sort. But I could be wrong.

Then I pick up a bag that I have laying on the floor of the bus and exit. The bag reminds me of a duffle bag. But I don't remember what is in it. We begin to walk together. As we walk, he continues by saying something like 'we know why it happened and how it happened' or something very similar. But then he clearly says "and we also know who the father is." I'm just walking and listening to him. I don't feel sad, happy, frustrated or anything. It is more of indifference or neutral. I think a moment about what he said, and then reply "then I'm quitting work." 

We continue to walk and eventually turn and enter a clothes store. I ask him "what is my purpose in life". He smiles/chuckles and then says "Ty Babylonia asks that question all the time. You've asked it a few times," he said "but not as much as she has." Then he doesn't say anything further. We are walking through the store and he's scanning racks of clothes as we pass. He occasionally picks up pieces of clothing from the racks and puts them elsewhere. Like he works there and is sorting things into where they belong because customers have moved them.

He doesn't say anything for a moment or two, then I tell him I wasn't expecting names and dates or anything like that. But I would like some guidance, because I don't know what I should be doing now. He continues to work as I speak and is smiling knowingly as I talk. But he never says anything further. Then I ask about my life up till now. Something like 'has my life up till now contributed to my goal/purpose at all'; or something along those lines. He again simply smiles and doesn't reply. 

We begin to leave the store. As we do, I shake the hand of the other clerk in the store who was working the cash register. I understand that he was a guide/help to me at some point. When we leave the store, there is a woman right outside of the door that I don't see or recognize at first. He points her out to me and I then remember who she is and I shake her hand as well. I also think I may have thanked her too, but I don’t remember why. When I shook hands with both of them, it was a bit strange. Both times I noticed my thumb didn't go over top of their hand like usual. Instead, it was as if they held my entire hand, including my thumb, or I didn’t have a thumb. Not sure which. The dream fades.

Dream Interpretation:  Thumbs Up!

Dearest Janet;

I just want to start out by saying what a powerful dream this is. It seems very significant that your encounter with your father is what brings you to lucidity and leads you into your encounter with your guides.  Paradoxes are often the key to dreamwork, and along those lines my immediate impression is that though your father-energy has been a tyrant to you, he also may have a very distinct role in your finding your life path.

The question you incubated before bed was about your purpose in life; and you are given your father.  In the dream, you are on a bus.  To me, this suggests you begin your journey going in a kind of ‘collective’ direction.  The direction that is acceptable to society, the agreed-upon group-mind.

So why is your father wrapped up in this?  It would seem that our fathers have immense significance to us as women, because they set the tone for the ‘active principle’ within us.  We have the outer father, which often becomes the role-model for our inner father, which we carry around with us forever (!).  The question is...how much power do we give them?

The archetypal father, in his positive aspect, is the part of us that makes decisions, that supports us unconditionally in our endeavours, our standing in the world, that creates wealth, that asserts, leads, confronts and manifests.

The challenge, of course, is if you had a father who dominated and abused you.  This becomes the grist of our greatest task.  Making the (constant) choice not to let this internalized father dominate you.  I feel this is why you are looking backwards out of the bus.  Though your father is dead, he is still behind you (in your unconscious?), and very much alive.  You are waking up, becoming lucid to his presence in you.  This is very powerful & suggests to me that you have been bringing this force to consciousness in your waking life.  Perhaps through dreamwork, or a new awareness, you are identifying the power that internalized critic has been lording over you.

He begins outside the window, but you (energetically) bring him inside to better hear him.  The window is often a symbol of an illusory barrier to our consciousness.  In the dream, you come into greater contact with your father – I would think, bringing this ‘issue’ to greater awareness.  You shut out the traffic of external world thinking.

The exchange that follows has a pivotal climax to it.  He says he’s fine nonchalantly, but you tell him he can’t be, he’s an alcoholic.  I could be wrong about this, but I wonder if this is quite a different reaction to how you might’ve acted towards him in waking life.  Children of alcoholics often avoid confrontation at all times, not wanting to set off their anger. 

But in this dream, you outrightly say NO!  Not only will I not brush this under the rug anymore, but I refuse to be intimidated by your anger.  In fact, let's say hello to my anger for once J .  I love how shocked everyone is.  Perhaps, in a subjective way, your ability to confront and assert yourself even shocks you a little?

The ending of this dream is the beginning of the next.  This is very significant.  Your ability to stand up to that inner-critic is very powerful, and may be the very key to you finding your life path.  You get off the collective bus and onto your own two feet!!  You come into contact with your inner guide.

You are pregnant.  YUM!

I think you understand what this means already, Janet.  You are growing a new life inside yourself now.  It is impossible to say what will emerge at this point, and to rush it would be a mistake.  Though it looks like nothing is happening, that is not at all the truth.  When a butterfly is still in the chrysalis, the greatest miracle is taking place.  It is easily mistaken for dead, while the cocoon is injecting fluid into those delicate wings, a critical stage that makes it strong enough to fly.  If it is forced, removed before it is ready, it will wither and die.

To me, your constant questioning of your purpose in life is a kind of rushing of this sacred gestation.  Your inner guide smiles knowingly because he can see forward to the butterfly that will emerge.  He knows who the father is.  This is rather enigmatic of him to say isn’t it?  But given what we were talking about in the first dream, I would think that the 'positive inner father' has something to do with it.  If you keep cultivating that self-supporting permission, it will continue leading you towards the birth of your greater self.

But first you must look at Ty Babylonia.  Whether you are aware of it or not, you have embarked on the Heroine’s Journey.  In fact there is a terrific book called “The Heroine’s Journey” by Maureen Murdock that I highly recommend for you at this time.  The journey is about finding your purpose, discovering your true nature.  

The dreamwork you have been doing is key.  This is how we awaken.  We begin to look at all those negative, critical inner forces and realize how outdated and inhibiting they are.  We begin to topple them from their thrones.  Then that tiny squeak of the true self's voice becomes louder and louder, as we uncover her from underneath all that garbage.

Ty Babylonia might be the part of you that is tied to Babylon.  Babylon is the quintessential symbol of society.  It is the system of greed, ambition, advancement, domination, success and materialism.  All of us are deeply tied to it.  The first major challenge in the Heroine’s Journey is to cut those ties.  In a sense, be willing to abandon the security of that indoctrination in order to come into contact with our true path.

It is a very scary prospect, filled with all kinds of dangers and challenges.  Because of this, many of us ignore the call.  In some ways, it is a much easier life to just fit into the collective.  But of course, it is nowhere nearly as satisfying.  You say, I will quit my work in order to honor my pregnancy.  This may be a literal decision you are faced with, but it may also be symbolic of this decision to cut those psychic ties to Babylonia-mentality.  You seem to be very objective & clear about what you need to do.

In the final scene of your dream, there is a very interesting clue.  You say, “I noticed my thumb didn't go over top of their hand like usual. Instead, it was as if they held my entire hand, including my thumb, or I didn’t have a thumb.”

The thumb for me is such a vast symbol.  Anthropologists consider the development of the thumb as a vital evolutionary step in the perfection of our anatomy. The thumb is to the hand what the hand is to the brain. It is the function of the thumb in hand mechanics that allows for cultural and technological development.  (Or metaphorically, your own evolution & development).

Classical Romans and Greeks regarded the thumb as sacred to Venus or Aphrodite, attributing to it a phallic significance. Thus, it came to symbolize fertility.

Based on the dream's message, both of these analogies seem to fit.  Again, coming back to the father, it seems to suggest that you need to develop the use of your thumb. What needs to be transformed is that phallic-masculine energy.

For homework on this dream, I would recommend a few things.  One, is to meditate on those qualities you used to describe your father, (Great sense of humor, down to earth, strong-willed, proud of his heritage, slightly chauvinistic, alcoholic, very demanding, very opinionated, vengeful, short tempered, verbally belittling/abusive).  Then, on paper, identify the ways in which they are still present in your life.  You may find them in your internal dialogues and your relationships with others.  Then take a few moments to describe the “archetypal positive father”.  You may find clues in the men (or women) you have admired in your lifetime.  This exercise will help you to articulate your thumb J

Next, I want you to truly meditate on the idea of your pregnancy.  Really sit with the experience that something miraculous is growing inside of you.  Give yourself permission to not know how it will all turn out, but trust that it will.  Truly enter into that ‘not knowing’ and embrace it. 

Often entering into that which we most fear, is the very thing that releases it.  When we try to rush with answers and decisions, this is the negative masculine at work.  The feminine-yin principle is the willingness to be in the dark.  The positive masculine is to support her unconditionally as she does it.

Blessings,

Toko-pa

Here I am questioning why I'd pay to have help with this dream when I didn't think there was a whole lot to it....unlike some of my other long, drawn-out ones. I honestly didn't see 1/3 of the symbology in this that you did. In fact I was feeling a bit guilty about not being able to give you more details/input than what I had provided.

SOO much to think about. I know that I am a lot like my father, and there are many things about me that are not like my father. I've done enough work over the years to feel pretty comfortable with the similarities and differences there.

You are absolutely correct in your statements regarding my response to him. I woke up surprised that I responded that way. No one ever raised their voice to my father. Due to up-bringing, I have always tried to avoid confrontation, but I'm making strides in that area in waking life (its easier for me to do in business than in personal situations). And I had to laugh at the 'hello to anger' part. I work very had at not getting angry. Not sure if that's good or bad.

Heroine's journey, huh? Not familiar with that term. Although I do know there's a section on your website about it. I guess I do need to read up on that now.

Ok, my mind still churning over stuff.......

Thanks a bunch Toko-pa! Just about everything you mentioned resonated (some on multiple levels)! I am thoroughly amazed!!

Janet

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